We are always where we need to be at any point in time. I have found this truth too late and I pray you find it earlier than I did. I have often pulled my hair out going to bed and waking up screaming at “me” that I have wasted time, I have failed, I have retrogressed, I have missed “those” opportunities, I am stagnant, I am not making enough progress, I should have moved on – the list goes on.
Then I get preoccupied with those thoughts, until I am overwhelmed and finally drained to the point
that I have no energy left in me to take the next step. Then weeks & months down the line, guess
what? I get back into the same pity cycle because I did nothing before. And I did nothing before
because I beat myself so hard the last time that I had nothing left in me to do anything. The result
was that, I needed all these weeks and months to recover from my own beating only to realise that I
have still not moved a step – I was still stuck on the starting line. Then I beat myself even harder
resulting in even more months to recover and then back to the realization that I am still stuck in the
same old place!
But thank God for the other day! Last Sunday, 23 rd September I stopped the beating. I had just
begun another round of beating when my Coach Catherine Engmann whispered in my ears, “Joseph,
you are exactly where you ought to be.” I froze and the beating rod was suspended mid-air. I heard
myself asking “What?”. Then she continued, “yes, maybe you were just not ready before.” The
beating rod dropped and I haven’t picked it up again. Those words echoed and echoed and changed
my perspective. I felt my feet lifting off the starting line and trudging forward. Yes, very small step
but oh how good it feels! It is only one step and the finish line is nowhere in sight (is it even ever in
sight?) but I am not looking back. I have begun a journey that I intend to enjoy never to beat myself
again – maybe in reality, occasionally, I may feel the urge to look for the rod but I am trusting God to
hide it from me forever. I know it won’t be easy. I know it will hurt and sometimes I will stumble and
fall but I am determined to fall forward and pick myself up each time.
Maybe you are also stuck on the starting line for whatever reason. It could be your entire life or just
an aspect of it – your job, marriage, studies, finance, family, relationship, an idea, health,
deploying your talent, your creativity, relationship with God, recreation, being kind to yourself,
whatever. There is one thing I can assure you – you will never take that first step as long as you
brood over it – never! But the moment you recognise and accept that, this is where you ought to be
at this point in time, and perhaps you were not ready before for wherever you aim to be, then you
are now ready to begin the journey – that thought will springboard you.
Take the next little step. In my case, I dropped everything I was doing that I previously thought
couldn’t be left, went to the spa for an hour’s massage, returned to reflect on the session I had with
my coach, deeply internalized the conviction, thought through my next steps and went on to watch
my football games. Then I treated myself to seafood dinner, listened to a podcast, watched TV a bit,
shut everything off and went to bed. When I woke up again the next morning, what I left that I
previously thought I couldn’t leave behind was still there and world hadn’t come to an end. I then
attended to it and everything was fine. But I had finally taken the first step towards an aspect of my
life (cutting myself some slack and being less preoccupied with work) I was beating myself so hard for
previously. And slowly, fully aware that old habits are hard to break, I have begun working towards
it.
We are always exactly where ought to be and it is our responsibility to get out of there – always
remember that.
Awesome read!!
Thank you
so much like you Joseph and i’m super glad you realized this quick . You’re an amazing guy .
Good stuff Joseph